Ah, October. The weather in DC has finally decided that maybe it is Fall? Maybe. It is considering skipping directly to Winter, just to keep us on our toes and/or to finally do that Game of Thrones cosplay its been thinking about for 4 seasons (ha! get it?!).
October has been a mash of things for me, writerly-wise. I had a short story published over at Crooked/Shift. I finally figured out how to get some good writing in on the regular and ended up with over 12,000 words in my book this month (for reference I was struggling to get maybe 2,000 written in a month – pat on the freakin’ back for that one).
I’ve had some other stories rejected, but they’ve been playing in my head lately. They’re not done, and those rejections told me that (and also that maybe I need to take a little more time when deciding where to submit rather than going with the whole biggest net theory).
Law school has been kicking up. It’s that part of the semester where you realize how much has to be done by the end and it seems impossible that even half the things could be done. You basically are treading water just to keep from drowning (why do people go to law school?!). But I’m still writing for myself in the middle of all of this, making sure that I don’t give that up, and for that I am very, very proud of myself.
The reason I’m proud is because typically I give up the things that are for me in the face of things that are for others. Yes, I’m doing law school for me, but there is the external person defining that for me: when things are due, what I have to accomplish week-by-week. Writing, while I love each and every one of my readers, is for me. It is my joy.
Giving up on those things which are just mine has been my M.O. for most of my adult life. While I don’t think this is a trait that you only find in women, I connect it very much to my experience of being female in this world. Sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice. One of the best things about growing older and how I know I am not just playing at this whole “being an adult” thing, is that I finally learned the two most important words in the English language: Fuck that.
I work hard to put me first now. Is it selfish? Hell, yeah. It makes me a better person, for myself. The added bonus is that I have better relationships with wonderful people that are not based in control, but on trust and mutual, genuine excitement of and for each other.
Standing at the start of November and staring finals in the face, I am not going to be joining my fellow writers for #NaNoWriMo. I am hoping to be realistic with what I can do this month. I will still do my morning writing routine, of course. I am going to relax around working on the short stories I have waiting for me. Maybe I’ll submit something, but maybe I’ll just take joy in cheering my fellow writers on and plan to join next year’s challenge.
Happy November, loves! I’ll be around here and on Twitter, if you’re looking for me.